He gave Evan a glance. “Unless you want to do something else.”“That's a line? Seriously?”“I have to use lines now? We share a mortgage, dude. Get upstairs, take a shower, and come to bed naked. Jesus.

Got any mood music?”“If you press Play on the stereo you’re going to hear Miley Cyrus.”“I don’t know who that is.”“Count your blessings.

he'd been a cop long enough to know what actual perversion looked like and it sure wasn't two guys or two women going out to dinner and holding hands.

Young love sucked. Old love wasn’t much easier, but at least you had some scar tissue built up around your heart to make it hurt a little less.

You broke up with me, and I spend one night with one guy who turns out to be the reason I’m even here, in domestic BLISS with your grouchy ass, and you can’t spare an evening for dinner? You are a dick.

I wish to God I had an answer for you right now. All I know is that…I’m not turning this car around. I’m going home with you…and we’ll see what happens from there.

Do me a favor, elope when you’re forty.” Evan sighed as he walked over to where Katie was standing.“Deal.

I used to be an angry, lonely prick. Then I met a guy with four amazing kids and more issues than the Sports Illustrated back catalog and boom—happiness.”“Boom, happiness?”“Okay, boom. Boom. More booms. A mushroom cloud. Then happiness.

You curse a lot.""Fuck you - I hardly curse at all.

You have to live your life and not count on things being there tomorrow or the next day.